I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
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I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
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We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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