There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
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