we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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