Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
