Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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