I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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