I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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