she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
