the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
