We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
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when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
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I could fuck to npr.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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