Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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