please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
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That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
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Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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