New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
