Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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