I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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