after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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