Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
