My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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