Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
