I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
