I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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