Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
