People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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