So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
