we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
