I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
