More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
