Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Randomize
