I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
thus making me awesome and them whores
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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