you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
