Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING THE BAGELS
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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