we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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