I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
