I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
