His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
