If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
