According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We had to coat check the pizza.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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