We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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