Sry I called you an 8
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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