Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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