That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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