I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
