Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
