and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
