my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
