A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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