I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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