Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
