This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
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Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
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Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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