I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I smell like Dick and happiness
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
