All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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