Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
