Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
