Me. At least after what I've been through.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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