By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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