I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
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She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
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My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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