i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
4 words: hood of his car
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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