I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
