i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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