she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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