u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
