I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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