Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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