Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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