this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
