Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
