Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
