what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
