How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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