oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
