I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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